back from hell

last week i almost lost my mind. i went into such a withdrawal as to loose my mind. i was vomiting, shaking, crying, scared. i couldn't imagine a world with joy or energy. my will to survive was being questioned.
i called my doctor, who told me to go back up to 20-mg of methadone. as soon as i did, i was almost fine. it was a near death experience for me. no longer will i take life for granted.
the problem is that i lost the little war....i had to go back up. all of that suffering was for not.
my doctor said i should go into a clinic and take suboxone to get off this stuff, but due to my teaching job, taking off a week to be institutionalized is and was not a possibility.
so now i am going to try again, and this time going down by 2.5 mg increments. wish me luck, and i hope everyone going to through the same thing will do so with strength, courage and a little help from friends and family. love, turtlecolor