last week i almost lost my mind. i went into such a withdrawal as to loose my mind. i was vomiting, shaking, crying, scared. i couldn't imagine a world with joy or energy. my will to survive was being questioned.
i called my doctor, who told me to go back up to 20-mg of methadone. as soon as i did, i was almost fine. it was a near death experience for me. no longer will i take life for granted.
the problem is that i lost the little war....i had to go back up. all of that suffering was for not.
my doctor said i should go into a clinic and take suboxone to get off this stuff, but due to my teaching job, taking off a week to be institutionalized is and was not a possibility.
so now i am going to try again, and this time going down by 2.5 mg increments. wish me luck, and i hope everyone going to through the same thing will do so with strength, courage and a little help from friends and family. love, turtlecolor
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6 comments:
Hey where are you? How are you? I thought for sure you would respond to my last post. If you are there, for Gods sake write something, let me know you are still alive or something, ok? I will keep checking back to see if there is anything from you!!! Want you to know that you are scareing me by not responding or just posting something on this blog.
Holleygirl
i am alive!!!!!!!!! somewhat. i had back surgery. am still kikin methadone................i will let you know.
Oh my turtlecolor, I really was not expecting to see anything from you, but something kept telling me to check! I am sorry to hear that you had to have back surgery, but I am so glad to hear you are alive!!! It doesn't matter how long it takes to kick it as long as you are able to do so. I have now noticed that I can't be always kind etc...if I am not taking the Lexpro. I know it is NO where near what you are going through, I hust hate to know that I can't be who I want to be without some help from medicine. I have always said it was the people around me making me "mean" not physically though don't get me wrong, I am a really kind hearted, loving, think about other's before myself kind of person, I just get mad easy and have problems controling my temper and don't think before I speak deal! Well I will end now, don't give and remember there is someone out there besides your family that cares!!!
Holleygirl
holleygirl,
hey its february, and i am back working, i am a teacher of children ...music and movement. all is somewhat okay. i am still on methadone, suprise!..and am scheduled to go on a suboxone program on my spring break. so i am still with the beast!!! but , hey, when i finally get out of this i am will always be thankful for the life of clean sober chemical free awareness. i can't wait. my family is so beautiful, they got me through all of this, not by doing anything but just by being beautiful and full of love and life. talk to you soon, hope you read this..........john (turtlecolor)
Hey it is so good to hear from you! I am so glad that you are back at work and feeling better!!! You will make it through it and come out of this feeling great. Keep your head held high and you will make it through this. It is so good that your family is there behind you 100% that will make it easier, I think that you working with the kids will make it easier also now that you are wanting to get better and all. Keep intouch with me ok?
What state do you live in?
Holleygirl
(Angela)
Hey John (turtlecolor)
Just checking in to see if you have left anything! I was hoping to have heard from you again! Just letting you know that I think of you often in hoping you are getting better and all. I sure do hope that me writing you helps some what in some way or the other. Im not no one special just a regular ole person who has a extremly kind heart that cares about others no matter who they are or where they are. I love to hear from you. You can always just let it all out in what you are feeling and what you are needing to just blurt out, I will listen!!! Well I will keep checking back to see if you have read this and left me anything, ok?!
Until later,
Angela (holleygirl)
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